GetFuckingCrunkjima
by SteezAwesomeness
Summary: Highschool of the Dead meets Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. Awesomeness ensues. Both groups meet on GetFuckingCrunk-jima, the island which was the setting of the HOTD OVA episode "Drifters of the Dead".


**CHAPTER 1: The Encounter**

**Setting: _"Drifters of the Dead" OVA episode. Early in the morning after the night the HOTD group accidentally inhaled hydrangea smoke from their firepit. This is also the day after the MW3 task force swept through Sierra Leone for leads on Makarov._**

It was a warm morning in Tokonosu City, Japan. Not far from the city off the shore was a small island called GetFuckingCrunk-jima. Price, Soap, and Yuri were sweeping the island after being deployed there by Nikolai's helicopter in search for weapons of mass destruction that Makarov has been supposedly hiding within the dense island jungle according to Volk. Five minutes after setting foot on GetFuckingCrunk-jima, the group discusses a plan.

Soap: "What the hell are we doing in Japan?"

Price: "You bloody well know what we're doing on this Island. There's three world wars going on right now. World war three, world war zombie, and apparently a world war stupidity in your brain."

Soap: "Psh, nice joke old man."

Yuri was getting tired of the time they were wasting. Russians waste no time except for vodka.

Yuri: "Sorry comrades, but we must get moving. General rules of engagement. Stay tight, and sweep the island. We'll take D-formation, yes?"

Price: "Da…"

Yuri was puzzled for a moment, but then realized Price just said "Yes" in Russian with a terrible American accent.

Yuri: "I hope you're better at Japanese than Russian comrade Price"

Price: "My ex-wife was Japanese. That bitch made me become fluent in Japanese for her parents while I was going through advanced special forces training."

The group chuckles. Humor was their only salvation from the innate fear that each of them were afraid of expressing.

Sweat trickles from Soap's scalp to his left eye. He blinks, and rubs off the moisture.

Soap: "Let's get moving. It's fucking hot here in this warm sand. I can't believe it's this hot and the sun hasn't even fully rose. God d-"

Soap's complaint was stopped abruptly by a light punch on the lips by Price.

Soap, bewildered and angry, looks at Price in confusion. All he saw was a look of shock on Price's bearded face. He turns to Yuri, and sees the same expression.

Price slowly points off to a place on the beach that was only in their peripheral vision until now.

Soap slowly turns his head to see what could be giving his buddy the creeps.

Soap(whispering): "what… the…. Fuck….. the … fuck"

About 75 yards from the trio's position were two naked physically-endowed women groping and French-kissing each other. About 80 yards out was another pair of naked physically-endowed women lying on the sand sleeping with one on top of the other. About 85 yards out were two men, one rubbing his genitals against a broom stick and another lying in the sand fondling four undeads.

Yuri(whispering): "Comrades. This sort of sexual play does not occur in my Mother Russia. It's too cold to play like this outside in Moscow"

Price was still stunned.

Price(whispering): "What in bloody hell are those young'uns doing? "

Soap(whispering): "They're not Makarov's men are they?"

Price(whispering):"If they were, then Makarov has a fancy taste for employing women to guard his cargo."

Yuri(whispering): "Haha, Price, you said 'his cargo'. Do you mean his weapons or his-"

Price cuts Yuri off.

Price: "Shut up Yuri you silly Russian fool. Now let's go investigate this nonsense."

Soap & Yuri (in unison): "Roger that"

The group slowly walks towards the scene while staying hidden in the bushes and with their rifles shouldered.

Price(whispering): "Soap and Yuri, can you two speak Japanese?"

Soap: "Yea, I was taught the language by the CIA and MI5"

Yuri: "Da, I was taught the language by the KGB"

Price acknowledges with a nod.

Each of the men's hearts were beating like the pistons of a race car engine. Never have they encountered naked women on a beach on any of their missions, and the unknown worried their war withered souls.

The trio reached about 30 yards from the two naked women kissing each other. From this distance and with the help of ACOG sights, they could see the scene in more detail.

Yuri: "I count six foot mobiles. 2 male, 4 female. There is a smoldering fire pit that has been lit out. Small wooden beach house also in view"

Soap(while peering down his ACOG scope): "Roger that. They all have their eyes closed for some reason. They all appear to be Japanese. Late teens to early twenties at most….. what the fuck are these kids doing?"

Price: "This is bullshit. We weren't expecting young'uns on the island. Why does it seem like they're all sleepwalking?"

The trio crouched behind a large beach boulder while contemplating what to do. After a brief talk, it was decided it was best to throw a flashbang, alert the young ones, and observe their reaction. If they reach for weapons, it was decided a frag grenade would be thrown followed by a volley of bullets.

Soap quietly reached for a flashbang. Once he got a hold of one that was hanging on his combat vest, he held on tight, not knowing what may unfold next.

Soap(whispering): "Here goes nothing…"

Soap tosses the flashbang.

Three seconds later, the trio watch in horror as the flashbang's trajectory leads towards the buttocks of one of the girls lying in the sand who had pink hair. The flashbang eventually makes contact with her butt, bounces off 5 meters away, and

*BANG!*

The sound echoes throughout the entire island. The bright flash of light resembling the high-altitude nuclear explosion that occurred earlier above Japan that resulted in an EMP damage outbreak.

"!"

Soap, Price, and Yuri had their rifles drawn, pointed at the group of young ones… ready for what ever may conspire.

Takashi: "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

Takashi awakens to the sight of four female undeads surrounding him. The surprised expression on his face instantaneously intensifies.

Takashi: "HOLY SHIT! YOU GUYS, HELP!"

Rei awakens from her trance, pushes Saeko away, and screams

Rei: "TAKASHI!"

*BANG*

*BANG*

*SPLAT SPLAT*

*BANG BANG*

*SPLAT SPLAT*

The four of THEM(undeads) suddenly fall limp within a large mist of crimson blood.

Rei collapses onto her knees in the middle of running towards Takashi, feeling both intense fear and relief.

Kohta: "That was gun fire!"

Kohta awakens from his trance, drops the broom, and searches for his rifle.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE OR WE WILL SHOOT!" voices shout in accented Japanese behind a boulder in the distance.

Rei, Kohta, Takashi, Saya, Shizuka, and Saeko… now all awakened and frightened out of their minds… freeze as if suddenly stricken with paralysis; Saeko holding her katana.

"MOVE, AND WE WILL SHOOT YOU ALL IN THE HEAD! COOPERATE, AND YOU MAY LIVE!" the voices continue behind the boulder.

The Task Force trio slowly walk towards the survivor group, with their M4 and AK74 barrels scanning the scene.

Price: "Are you all working for Makarov?"

Takashi: "Makarov? Who in the hell is that?"

Price looks to Soap and Yuri.

Price: "Like I thought, these young'uns have nothing to do with Makarov. I mean look at them… half of them were having lesbian sex for bloody hell's sake"

Yuri yells towards the survivors.

Yuri: "I am an ex-Spetsnaz and my two comrades are part of an international military special forces organization. We are here in search of weapons of mass destruction in the possession of the Russian terrorist Vladimir Makarov. Are you aware of any weapons on this island?"

Takashi: "No, we searched the entire island for food and came across no weapons besides the firearms we carry for self protection"

Saeko looks at the katana in her hands.

Saeko: "And my katana!"

Price looks to Soap and Yuri.

Price: "Fuck. We're on this island for no reason. When we were on Nikolai's helicopter hovering above the island, I didn't see a single sign of any infrastructure besides that beach house over there. Who's bright idea was it to explore GetFuckingCrunk-jima?"

Soap: "Nikolai's idea ofcourse…"

Yuri: "He is a countrymen from Mother Russia like me, but I must say…. He can be a real dumbass some times. At least he owns a helicopter and has a bunker full of vodka"

Price looks towards the survivors.

Price: "You can all relax now"

The survivors relax and face the military trio. Alice and Zero(the dog) stayed in their hiding place in the beach house 50 yards out, peeking over the bar table investigating the situation.

Nurse Shizuka walks towards the Task Force trio, and Saeko follows her, having left her katana in the sand so that she does not appear to be a threat.

Shizuka: "Teehee. Thanks for saving Takashi from THEM"

Price takes a glance at Shizuka's enormous bare breasts and chuckles.

Price: "Ma'am, you may want to put at least your underwear on…"

Soap and Yuri smirk.

Shizuka: "Oh, right…. Excuse me….."

Shizuka blushes.

Saeko: "Those four of THEM could have gotten Takashi if it weren't for you guys"

Soap smiles. He notices the fiery spirit of a warrior in Saeko's eyes and says

Soap: "I'm guessing you could have handled the situation just as well with your katana"

After the survivors dress, everybody gathers in the beach house. Nurse Shizuka told Alice that everything is fine. Zero stops barking after Yuri pets him.

Yuri: "Nice doggy. Not like the military mutts in Chechnya"

Saya: "So, what are your nationalities?"

Price: "Both me and Soap over here are British. Yuri is Russian"

Takashi: "Soap? What a funny name. Must be a nickname. And what is your name sir?"

Price: "Just call me Price"

Takashi: "Yes Mr. Price"

Price: "No, just Price"

Takashi: "Yes Price-sama"

Price: "No jap honorifics required sonny boy. Just Price"

Takashi chuckles: "Yes Price"

Price turns to Soap and Yuri.

Price: "We don't know when Nikolai will be back. If he doesn't encounter trouble, he will be back as planned in 2 hours. If he does encounter some trouble during his flight to and from here, we may be stuck here all day and night to camp out"

Soap and Yuri nods.

Yuri leans over and whispers into Soap's ear.

Yuri(whispering): "We may as well stay here and take a little break. These girls are quite beautiful too. Never have I seen boobs as big as a Siberian melons before like this"

Soap chuckles.

Soap(whispering): "I'm glad you and me are still young enough to enjoy this pretty sight. I wonder what the old man is thinking right about now huh? Haha. In fact, I wonder if he needs Viagra just to get the little jimmy up. Haha"

Everybody In the beach house continues a discussion that includes why both groups are on GetFuckingCrunk-jima, what types of weapons both groups are carrying (during which Kohta freaks out in excitement over Yuri's modified AK-74 rifle), and what both groups have gone through so far during WWIII and WWZombie. After solidifying a friendly tone and bond between both groups, they all start walking along the beach as the sun rises further in the horizon.

Price: "You young'uns… I forgot to ask… did we…. Interrupt a…."

Soap: "Orgy?"

The survivors look at eachother and blush.

Rei: "Actually uh… we think….. we were hallucinating from Hydrangea"

Shizuka: "Teehee, yea, we accidentally used hydrangea leaves we found on the island in our fire pit last night, and we got super high! Teehee! I thought Saya-chan was my sexy friend Rika!"

Rei looks at Saeko. Both look away in embarrassment realizing that they both hallucinated each other as being Takashi.

Saya: "And I thought Ms. Shizuka was my…. Uh… nevermind. Ahem"

Yuri: "Is this a new sex fad going on in Japan? Such outdoor orgies are rare in Mother Russia"

All of the survivors yelp in unison.

Survivors(unison): "No! Absolutely not Mr. Yuri sir! It was….. an accident! "

They all look at eachother, and then look away in embarrassment. Takashi realizes he was fondling four of THEM(undeads), Kohta realizes he needs a better sex doll than a broom, Rei and Saeko can't look at each other in the eye… neither can Shizuka and Saya. All of them having intense blushes on their cheeks that resemble the color of Saya's hair. Saeko hides out of view behind Nurse Shizuka 's tall stature, and covertly reaches into her underwear and rubs the exterior of her pussy. She chuckles after realizing it is still wet, confirming that she did indeed have a hallucination or trance that resembled something out of a wet dream.

Soap: "You all are a bunch of crazy motherfuckers, that's for sure! Haha"

Everybody laughs while Shizuka clamps down on Alice's ears so that the little girl does not hear all the ongoing rated-R ruckus.

Yuri: "Hallucinations and fondling each other after a smoke and toke of Hydrangea? Even my comrade Nikolai does not act this crazy with Ukrainian girls after drinking 5 bottles of vodka! "

Takashi notices Yuri's forearms being covered with tattoos.

Takashi: "Those are some impressive tattoos Mr. Yuri"

Yuri looks down at his arm and looks back at Takashi.

Yuri: "Ah yes, when I was a young and patriotic Spetsnaz soldier back in the day, I had a lot of patriotic Russian military symbols tattooed on me. And please, call me Yuri. Not Mr. Yuri. We are comrades now. I respect your stories of valiant efforts of survival. You do not need to call me Mr. Yuri"

Takashi chuckles.

Takashi: "You are just like Mr….. I mean….. Price here."

Takashi and Yuri shake hands.

Saeko: "Tattoos are very sexy"

Everybody stops in their track while walking on the beach and stares at Saeko for making such a blunt and out of place statement.

Saeko continues: "Reminds me of Yakuza members and their tattoos. The badassery of Yakuza is what I sometimes try to mirror in my katana fighting style. In fact, one of my favorite sword fighting moves is called Yakuza Fury"

Yuri: "Do you think I am as sexy as the tattooed yakuza men you so much admire?"

Yuri grins in anticipation of her response.

Soap and Price stare at Yuri for asking a question as blunt as Saeko's comment.

Saya and Rei both sigh, as Takashi and Kohta remain silent and overwhelmed at the sudden change in subject of the group conversation.

Saeko laughs, and then collects herself.

Saeko: "You're an ex-Spetsnaz right? Trained to use all of his military tools, including rifles, handguns, grenades, and probably even hand-to-hand combat weapons like swords?"

Yuri smiles and says

"Why yes, my experiences in the Spetsnaz has taught me many things"

Saeko: "Well…. All I can say is….. I admire a man that knows how to use his tools"

Everybody except Saeko and Yuri collapses from the metaphysical shock wave of blunt sexual innuendo that had just come out of Saeko's mouth.

Saeko: "Well, I guess I can say that about you too, Soap. And Price. I like men who know how to use their…. tools"

Price thinks to himself 'I'm probably almost 2 to 3 times this little missy's age. Is she into older men? Although I did hear her say that one boy's name while she was hallucinating and making out with brown haired girl over there…. Rei….. I think that's her name. If she's into Takashi, then that means she is into boys her age. What is she doing saying such things to an old war withered man like me?'

Soap thinks to himself 'This is getting interesting'

Soap and Yuri look at the other girls' faces, and notices expressions that could only be the result of being slightly high and extremely horny.

Soap and Yuri simultaneously think to themselves 'Awwwwwwwwwwwww Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh'

Saeko looks down at the sand realizing how blunt her comments were.

Soap leans over and whispers to Yuri,

"At this rate, I hope Nikolai never comes back to pick us up"

Yuri nods: "Da comrade. Sooooooooooooooo Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Takashi cuts in,

"Oh, sorry my new friends. Saeko here must still be a little high and out of it from the hydrangea. Hehe"

Price: "No worries Takashi Komuro, we all need to take a break anyways. Apparently Saeko and the rest of you kids from that hydrangea stuff, and me and Soap and Yuri from all the Makarov-head-hunting we've been doing lately"

Suddenly, Captain Price's radio attached on his combat vest comes alive,

"PFFFFFFSHHHHHHHHHH. Come in Price. This is Nikolai. I am executing plan 3324-delta tango romeo, I must assist my comrades who are currently being ambushed in India. I will not be back until tomorrow at noon or even later if our compound continues to be under siege by Makarov's men and Himalayan rebel forces"

Price talks back into the radio

"Roger that Nikolai. We will be fine. We have found friendly encampment sites. Take care of the Himalayan uprising. Over."

Nikolai responds

"Roger that. Heard you loud and clear. Take care comrades. I will update you again soon on my current situation and the circumstances of your ex-vac from the island. Over and out"

Price turns to Soap and Yuri

Price: "Looks like we'll be here for a while lads. Make yourselves cozy. GetFuckingCrunk-jima will be our little camping trip for now. But don't let your guard down. Although the island does not possess Makarov's weapons of mass destruction, there may still be more undeads walking around coming from the cave that connects the island to the west part of Tokonosu City".

Soap and Yuri high five each other.

Yuri: "That's both bad news and good news. Bad news that comrade Nikolai must fight rebels in India, but good news that we get to relax here on a beach"

Soap: "Yah, this is a fuckin beach vacation yea?"

Price: "Yea, but like I said, don't let your guard down. Zombies aren't only in movies anymore."

Soap glances at Shizuka and notices her bikini bottom is soaking wet from the prior "engagement" and hallucination activity with Saya. He looks 2 feet up and gazes at Ms. Shizuka's humongous titties.

Soap: "Oh don't worry about it old man"

Soap thinks to himself 'This is paradise'.

Rei remembers Yuri is a Russian and says

"Oh wait, I think there was a bunch of unopened bottles of vodka back at the abandoned beach house"

Yuri: "Ah, yes. Comrades, we should drink to celebrate our new brotherly and sisterly bond"

Kohta thinks to himself 'maybe if Saya gets drunk enough, she'll approach me instead of hallucinating and rubbing all over with Ms. Shizuka'

Takashi: "I agree, let's go relax and for now, let my group put behind all the zombie killing and the awkward unintended sex play we hallucinated, and let your group put behind this Makarov bastard and WWIII… for now"

Yuri nods

"Ah yes, as long as the vodka was made in Mother Russia, we will all have a good time."

**Next Chapter – Chapter 2: Hard Liquor**

**See what unravels back at the beach house. Vodka + horny teens coming off of hydrangea + a crazy Russian + two Brits = awesomeness ensues.**

**Stay tuned for the second chapter, coming soon!**


End file.
